Love. One aspect of love is to care about a person’s well-being irrespective of what they can give back to you and regardless of what they may do to you. When practiced, love is powerful. But it is not practical unless it is guided by boundaries.
Establish Boundaries with Confidence
Many draw on the life and teachings of Jesus to learn how to love. His life was marked by love. His message is grounded in love. Still, some confuse love with being weak, a pushover. In any relationship—whether in leadership, a family relationship, or a friendship—love does not mean that we allow another person to cross certain boundaries.
What are those boundaries? It is entirely up to you to define them. Create your own, then confidently enforce them. Gently, at first. Then, directly as needed.
Let’s go to Jesus as our Guide. We began talking about being a Second Mile Organization at our clinics. Going the second mile is a teaching of Jesus. He says if someone forces you to go one mile, go with them a second. That’s a principle steeped in love. It is a principle of forgiveness and mercy. I love going the second mile for my patients. I love going the second mile for my staff. However, it would be completely wrong for me to equate going the second mile for my patients and employees to becoming a doormat, allowing myself to be oppressed or abused by them.
I have on several occasions asked patients to leave my clinic if they cross certain boundaries of decency with me or my staff. I have fired employees for similar reasons. Enforcing boundaries does not take away from my love for them. As a leader, there are boundaries that I simply must defend. Otherwise, my love cannot be practiced practically.
Jesus always stood up for Himself and had clear boundaries, though you rarely hear about this when His life is spoken of. He put the Pharisees in their place all the time. He did not take abuse from them. He stood up to His own disciples when He needed to. He told Peter once, “Get away from me, Satan.” And yes, He even became physically violent when merchants were using the temple for profit.
This is the same Jesus Who washed the feet of His disciples. It is the same Jesus Who loved the unlovable, the lepers, and the outcasts of His day. It is the same Jesus Who died willingly to save the world.
Enforce Boundaries with Love
Loving people does not mean that we lay prostrate and let them trample all over us. Neither does maintaining boundaries mean we become a dictator without grace, patience, or forgiveness. We are not tyrants.
First, we must be clear as to what our boundaries are. When people cross them, we are not to become ungracefully loud and pushy. Rather, be kind, and at a neutral moment, communicate that a boundary has been crossed, thoughtfully choosing the right words and the right tone.
May God give you and me the wisdom to be paragons of love, and may He give us the courage to stand up for ourselves when someone is being irreverent or abusive. We cannot lead people if we cannot love them.
If you feel you may be lacking in either of these areas, don’t feel bad. Just start reflecting on it and learn how you can move forward in this most important aspect of leadership.
The article today is adapted from one of our previously published articles in 2014 on love. Next week, I will share more on the Second Mile Organization I referenced above. Watch for it!
How can I support you more as a Christian leader and entrepreneur?
1 Comment