Some leaders think they value people, honor people, and are compassionate to those they lead. Only sometimes they are not, and they don’t even realize it. Other times, they know, but they don’t care.
I trained as a doctor in an intense residency program at John Peter Smith Hospital, ranked as the second best in the US. It ranked so high because of its rigor. I started my residency in 2003 and finished in 2006. We were trained much like an army. Many parts of the training were ruthless, designed as such to protect patients and train the best doctors. For example, for several rotations, we were not permitted to sleep every fourth night (referred to as ‘Q4 call’ in the doctor’s world). While our attending (supervising) physicians were nice, they were not necessarily warm to doctor trainees like me. There was no room for error. People’s lives were at risk. Prior to residency, as a medical student, I could get snapped at or yelled at for any number of reasons.That culture became normal for me. Like other doctors in training, we expected it and adapted to it.
When I entered medical practice, it was the model I carried with me. Even though I always considered myself to be a nice person, I often snapped at my nurses. I pushed. I was a bit of a drill sergeant. I thought that was the way to do leadership. After all, people’s lives were at stake, and we all needed to perform well.
In 2008, I realized my leadership style was ineffective. I sought mentors and books. I went on a journey to reshape how I thought about the people I led, and I learned new ways to bring a team together to accomplish just as many benefits for patients, if not more.
In the name of results, how do you treat your people? In the name of progress, are you a bit of tyrant sometimes? Do you make others feel small? Do you cut people off mid-sentence? Do you snip and snap?
You can hold people accountable and be kind at the same time. The problem occurs when we are uncompassionate in our approach, particularly if this becomes ‘our way.’ Over time, others may even get used to ‘our way’ and not say anything about it, and so the dynamic becomes normal. We move forward without even knowing how damaging our behavior really is.
Effective leadership is compassionate leadership. Leaders who have a heart are the leaders we all want to follow. How we treat others is born from how we think of others. Great leaders see everyone—yes everyone, including and especially those we think are not doing a good job or those who seem to have poor character—as beautiful people in our charge to bless, help, serve, and give them all we’ve got.
Do a self-assessment. How often do you snap, raise your voice, demand, or use force? How often are you frustrated and become demanding to get your way. Don’t fall for common rationale, “But my heart is good,” or faulty reasoning, “But my intention is genuine.” Those are excuses. Acknowledge your disposition and choose to do better. Doing better comes with an intentional journey of growth.
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