When you are criticized, guard your heart from defensiveness, frustration, and dismissiveness. This is how these feelings may sound inside our minds:
Defensive: No, I did not do that, and if I did, I had a good reason. I am a good person, doing my best. Don’t you see all the amazing things I do?
Frustration: I am so tired of being labeled, getting jabbed with this, and pummeled by this person on this issue. Enough is enough. What I can do, is all I can do.
Dismissiveness: Oh whatever. This is not a big deal, if it is a deal at all. Look at all that I’ve accomplished. Do you really need to nitpick this? I am fine, and I can determine what I need, thank you.
Fight these voices. So what should you think and do instead? Listen.
My most angry, merciless, critique usually has a point. It may be overstated, exaggerated, or expressed in an injurious or immature way. But many times, if not most of the time, the feedback is in an area I need to confront.
So how should you respond when criticized? Listen, reflect, internalize, analyze. Start to reflect when you are calm. Seriously consider the criticism. If you still can’t see it, it could be a blind spot.
Sure, the other person could be missing it, but assume they are not. Otherwise, you will not benefit from their comments. Finally, remember that most people do not have the courage, or perhaps do not care enough, to give any feedback at all. So be thankful someone cares enough to push on you.
A leader who receives feedback well continually grows and garners the respect of others because of his humility.
