Part of my time during every new-staff orientation at our organization is to give a talk about emotions. I encourage our staff members to consider routinely sharing their emotions with someone in their life that they are close to, such as a spouse or trusted confidant. When people understand the emotions a loved one wrestles with, a deeper level of understanding and empathy is developed.
After one such session a few weeks ago, a team member shared how difficult it is for her to talk about her emotions with her husband, and she asked if I had any advice. I told her that most of the time we talk about our emotions while we are emotional. That’s a problem.
When we are emotional, we get a sudden courage of sorts that often compels us to speak out. We can be angry to the point of not caring anymore. We may reach frustration levels that push us to blurt out what we feel in the moment, without a filter.
The better way is to wait until—watch this—neither you nor the other person is emotional. Catch yourself and the other person in a good place, a good mood. That’s when to talk about difficult or potentially emotional topics.
Remember, don’t solve problems as the problems are happening. Sure, some issues have to be addressed right then and there, but most do not. Wait until the seas have calmed, then speak with grace and clarity. Speak with empathy, always listening first.
Take away: Unless it is an emergency, don’t solve a problem when the problem is happening. Don’t talk about emotions while you are emotional.
