Nothing gets under my skin more than when a leader says “I’m frustrated.” Quite frankly, it really frustrates me. I’m being cheeky here, but it does seem that some of us love to get frustrated. It is a go-to emotion we absent-mindedly employ. When we get emotional, engaging any emotion, our limbic system takes charge over the prefrontal cortex (where we do our logical thinking). This means that physiologically, becoming emotional leads us to a poorer capacity to think.
So why do we get frustrated? Frustration arises when there’s a blockage between us and our goal or desire. As a result, one of the four realities exist:
- Limited Tools or Solutions: When we don’t have an immediate or effective way to solve a problem, frustration acts as an emotional cue, drawing attention to the issue. It’s like an internal alarm that something needs to change.
- Default Reaction: If we lack better coping mechanisms (like problem-solving skills, patience, or acceptance), frustration can become our automatic response. It fills the gap where more constructive strategies might be missing.
- Cathartic Release: Frustration has a cathartic nature for many people. Expressing it (through venting, shouting, or physical actions) may provide temporary relief by discharging pent-up emotional tension, even if it doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
- Hidden Danger: Even though acting in frustration may elicit short term results, in the long run we generate hurt feelings and resentments in our relationships when we frequently get frustrated.
I understand the nature of frustration when I watch my nearly 3-year old twins, Emmy and Luke. Luke took Emmy’s pink toy. Emmy started crying and getting fussy. She thinks all pink toys are hers, and she was not happy that Luke took it. At three years old, Emmy does not have the tools to communicate with him, even to fully understand the situation or to understand Luke. Her only tool for dealing with the situation is frustration.
That’s exactly what happens if we let frustration take root in our lives. We behave like toddlers, unable to deal with or resolve situations except through the emotional outbursts. Let us examine our maturity in this area and seek to develop more effective tools for situations that don’t go our way.
