As I revealed recently, my friend and editor, Andria Flores, is transitioning out of our team. It’s on my heart and mind, so with her permission I’m writing a few articles to our leadership community as I reflect on necessary endings and how leaders can navigate them in a healthy way.
I met psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud a few years ago. He has written several notable books. His magnum opus is Boundaries. Another of his books, from which I am borrowing the title for this article, is Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward.
Dr. Cloud said in his book Necessary Endings, “Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally.” So many times in our lives as leaders, as business people, as organizational leaders, we face relationships, projects, and connections that need to end, but we hesitate too long. Some endings are necessary, and we must have the courage to walk forward through them.”
So how do we know when the timing is right? When is an ending really necessary? When should we fight to keep a relationship and when should we push forward? What is the tipping point between the need for resilience and persistence and the need to go another direction? Let me offer the following thoughts:
- As a Christian leader, enter endings with prayer. Let everything be bathed in prayer.
- Know that this is not easy. Accept it. Talk to mentors and people close to you. Don’t make these decisions on a whim or emotional basis.
- While we should never end things while we are emotional, it is okay to make decisions instinctively. What I mean is, if there is nudge in the pit of your stomach telling you to move on, hear it out. Don’t give it full control, but listen to it. Many times we cannot articulate at a conscious level the entirety of our reasons. God gifted us with the Holy Spirit to help guide our steps.
- Know that you can grow and get better at this. Endings for me were so hard 20 years ago. Now, they are poignant, still hard, but doable.
- Know that beautiful work happens when relationships are strong. Strong relationships do not happen overnight. In my experience, something almost magical happens at the five-year mark in a healthy relationship. If you are leaving after one to two years, you may not be giving strong relationships a chance to blossom.
- While hurtful relationships should be stopped, if we expect others to be perfect and never err, we are wrong. That’s where we need to grow, to develop thick skin, and look for ways to adapt, adjust, and communicate better.
- Some relationships (personal or business) can erode our self-worth and psychological well-being. For whatever reasons, and most of these are unintentional, our strengths may not be affirmed and our best work may not be showcased. If we start losing a little bit of who we are, one small piece at a time, then at the right time we must leave.
- The rule I seek to apply in my life regarding people, in any setting and definitely with regard to endings, is this: Always honor people. I am known to push people. I love to push people to grow and get past any obstacle that may be holding them back. However, in all relationships and every situation, I want to honor people. I want to treat them with dignity and respect. As anyone encounters endings, emotions can run rampant on either side. Be mindful to intentionally honor others.
How can I support you more as a Christian leader and entrepreneur?
