While being disagreeable is detrimental to the chemistry of a team, disagreement can be a powerful catalyst for growth and change.
If I see something differently than you, it can be a source of frustration—but it doesn’t have to be. When we allow others to offer opposing views, we create space to highlight what we can improve. Though their input may counter our idea, if received well, it can actually refine our thoughts and add value to the mission at hand—all results effective leaders should seek. But this process starts with what seems like disagreement.
You may say, Wes, I remember when disagreement strained a relationship. Sure, and tension may even still be high from that event. Heated exchanges can break apart an otherwise unified team when disagreements are not handled well.
So what is the secret to listening to opposing views and allowing them to sharpen our thoughts rather than causing rifts? While this is a life-long journey each of us should work through, here are a few thoughts to consider practicing now:
- Make respect a value that must be observed, regardless of the topic that is discussed.
- When someone argues a point that opposes yours, listen, and don’t be quick to respond. When you hear it coming and think, Oh, here he goes with that point again, instead focus on withholding an immediate response, listening, staying calm, and most importantly keeping your emotions in check. When your emotions start rising to a place of annoyance, you’ve already lost the battle in your mind.
- Know who makes the final decision. If that’s you, remind people of that in a gentle way as you welcome their feedback. An example might be: “I really value your opinion, and I need to hear it as I make my decision.” If you are not the final decision maker, you may offer advice and advocate for your idea, then exit the scene.
- Say something like, “Thank you for your point. I see where you are coming from.” This validates the other person, but still gives you space to make the decision as you see fit without issuing your agreement. If you don’t see where the other person is coming from you can say, “Thank you for this perspective; I did not see this point of view.”
Great leaders know how to process opposing views, encourage them, and make people around them feel welcome to state them. If you can get there in your life, your leadership capacity will highly increase.
