In 1990 at the age of 14, I emigrated with my family to the US from Lebanon. I came from Beirut to Mobile, Alabama—quite a difference in culture to say the least. As I learned the customs of the United States, I noticed a difference in the perception of family between cultures. The family unit of a Lebanese family is extremely close to one another, and while I’ve always seen that as a strength, there is a dark side, too. It’s what psychologists call the honor/shame culture.
As an example of the effect of an honor/shame culture, think of movies about Japan during WWII, in which military generals would commit suicide when they lost a battle. Why? Because they brought shame to their family. Japan had, and still has, a deep-seated honor/shame culture.
On the other side of the spectrum is the right/wrong culture. In this culture, people’s focus leans toward individualistic achievements, including ethics as defined by the individual, regardless of how their behavior affects their family or group. While this custom may make a positive impact in a person’s life, it’s possible that selfish pursuits will prevail over what benefits the whole group or family.
It’s not my intent to assert that one culture is better than another, rather I want to make us aware of the distinction, particularly as it relates to leading people from different cultures and backgrounds. Having come from an honor/shame culture myself, and having lived in a right/wrong culture, I’ve had the unique opportunity to adopt the best of both worlds and incorporate them into my life and leadership as best as I know how.
Why does this matter to us as leaders? Because the more we understand about those we lead, the more effective we become. If we lead someone from an honor/shame culture who originate from places such as Japan, the Middle East, the Far East, Pacific Islands, or many African countries, particularly if we are from a right/wrong culture, let us consider the following observations and approaches to honor and respect all people and their intrinsic roots.
- Respect and Recognition: Provide ample opportunities for public recognition and praise for achievements, as honor is highly valued in honor/shame cultures.
- Face-Saving Measures: When offering feedback or correction, do so privately to avoid causing embarrassment or ‘loss of face’ for the individual from the honor/shame culture.
- Indirect Communication: Understand that individuals from honor/shame cultures may communicate indirectly to preserve harmony. Pay attention to non-verbal cues and read between the lines. In honor/shame cultures, maintaining positive relationships and harmony within the group is often prioritized over individual expression or confrontation. Indirect communication allows individuals to address conflicts or disagreements in a less confrontational manner, reducing the likelihood of damaging relationships or causing social tension.
- Hierarchy and Authority: Acknowledge and respect hierarchical structures, as individuals from honor/shame cultures may place significant importance on deference to authority figures.
- Relationship Building: Invest time in building personal relationships and trust, as honor/shame cultures prioritize relational harmony and trustworthiness.
- Maintaining Dignity: Ensure that all interactions and feedback are conducted with respect and sensitivity to the individual’s dignity, as loss of face can have profound effects.
- Appreciation of Tradition: Show appreciation and respect for cultural traditions and customs, as individuals from honor/shame cultures may hold them dear to their identity and sense of honor.
Let’s work toward understanding those we lead, as it makes us more compassionate people and more effective leaders.
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