I have been writing leadership articles and books since 2012. Along the way, I have learned some key lessons that I’d like to share with you in a series of articles this week about the craft and process of writing. This first article is about how to make sentences concise.
I learned this powerful lesson from a writing coach: If removing a word or phrase from a sentence does not profoundly change the meaning, remove it. I will show you an example below.
When I write first drafts, the sentences are usually long. As I go over the drafts again and again, one of my goals is to cut, cut, cut anything that is not crucial to the point(s) I am making.
Below is a real example from an article I wrote a few weeks ago, Four Responsibilities of a Christian Business Leader. I lifted the opening sentence to show you the process just one sentence went through from first draft to publication. With every revision, I persisted in asking, “What can I remove?” After five rounds, I think you might agree that the sentence became much more concise and punchy.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE:
In the dynamic world of business, being a Christian business leader entails having a commitment to lead with four distinct sets of principles.
This is not a bad sentence. It sounds professional, but not concise.
ROUND 1
EDIT: In the dynamic world of business, being a Christian business leader entails having a commitment to lead with four distinct sets of principles.
I removed “In the dynamic world of business” because after omitting this phrase, the main point is unchanged. This is the rule: remove what does not change the core meaning.
ROUND 2
EDIT: Being a Christian business leader entails having [Add: should make] a commitment to lead with four distinct sets of principles.
I removed “being.” One less word—that’s good. The fewer words, the better.
ROUND 3
A Christian business leader should make a commitment to lead with four distinct sets of principles.
What do you think? Again here, cutting “make a commitment to” does not change the core meaning. What else can be removed?
ROUND 4
EDIT: A Christian business leader should lead with four distinct sets of principles.
Why did I remove “distinct?” Of course four principles are distinct. So, what is that word really adding? Not much. Remove it.
ROUND 5
EDIT: A Christian business leader should lead with four sets of principles.
What does “sets of” add to the core meaning of this sentence? Little, if anything.
Below is the comparison between the original sentence and the final product.
ORIGINAL: In the dynamic world of business, being a Christian business leader entails having a commitment to lead with four distinct sets of principles.
FINAL: A Christian business leader should lead with four principles.
I even debated whether I should remove the “should” from the above sentence. I kept it because many Christian business leaders do not lead with these four principles, when they should. The rest of the words are necessary. If you remove any of them, it alters the fundamental meaning of the sentence.
Replacing poetic prose with brevity and clarity is a good exchange. Saying what you want to say concisely gives your writing gusto. Wordiness in writing is akin to a verbose speaker droning on for three minutes just to express one point that can be stated in 10 seconds.
Ironically, it takes more time to write less. For example, I wrote this article in 20 minutes and could have published it on the spot. But I worked on it three other times, along with my editor, Andria Flores. Each time it came back to me, I asked the same question in hopes to bring you a clear message.
The rest of this week I will send more articles to help you with your writing as a leader.
How can I support you more as a Christian leader and entrepreneur?
