The issue:? You know the correct answer, the right question and the end game.? So you go on talking, explaining and clarifying your positions and perspectives. ?You are not being a good listener.
The problem: ?You really don?t know the correct answer, the right question and the end game ? that?s why you are in the mess you?re in!
The solution:? Be quiet! ?Quiet your lips, but more importantly your thoughts. ?Are you being a good listener? ?As a leaders, do you know what others see and think?
Shhhhhhh?Others may be right. ?(And you may be wrong!)
As I observe leaders squirming to reach for a solution to their issues, I consistently see them pontificating more than listening, lecturing more than receiving, moralizing, instructing and talking when they need to be quiet and look for ideas different from their own.
Now wait, they may listen?for 10 seconds.? Then, the talking and explaining starts again.
So others give up. ?It?s just not worth it.
I see these leaders hurting, and it hurts me to watch this spectacle.? And I think to myself, ?Wow, if you could only be quiet and listen, the answer is staring you in the face.?
If you think that could that be you at times, I want to challenge you: ?Are you being a good listener?
- Are you consistently inviting others to speak into your life (and meaning it)?
- People don?t like to barge in with advice.? You have to invite them.? You can literally use these terms:
- ?I would like to invite you to speak truth to me when you see me doing something wrong.?
- ?You have permission to tell me when I am off base.?
- People don?t like to barge in with advice.? You have to invite them.? You can literally use these terms:
- Are you creating the time and place for others to speak to you?
- People will not speak what needs to be said in the wrong setting.
- Behind closed doors, or maybe after connecting on a personal level, that?s when people will feel comfortable to speak.
- Are you insisting that they speak, and re-inviting them consistently?
- If you want to hear from people, you have to constantly remind them of the invitation to speak, and encourage them to know that you will be okay with whatever they will have to say.
- Are you punishing them when they speak?
- When people say something you don?t like, are you grateful or spiteful?
- Are you subliminally giving them signals to not do that again?
- Are you inviting the right people to speak into your life?
- Invite those:
- You trust?- they will have no ulterior motives.
- Who have successfully traveled before you – they will give you sound advice.
- Who will not destroy you as they advise you – yes, I love reality givers.? But sometimes they go overboard, and they will destroy you if you let them.
- Invite those:
- Know that people will give you the wrong advice sometimes.
- That should not make you discount all their advice or stop listening.? Sometimes they will give you the right advice.
- It is your responsibility to get all the advice then go with what you see is best.
- ?When people are speaking don?t defend or say much.
- Now this is key:? Just listen, try to see what they are seeing.
- Most of us want to explain our position and simply point out what others are not seeing, maybe so they can advise us better.? While we may be accurate, when we do this, it is a signal to others that they should stop.? So, just listen.
As a leader, commit to being a good listener.? Listen so you can see what they see, feel what they feel and think what they think.? Listen deeply enough to touch and know their heart.
Then and only then will you be able to lead, learn and grow!
Your Friend,
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