When Your People Don’t Respect You – Part III
Almost all people respond to gentle, respectful, clear, and candid communication – communication that values them and respects their journey. In Part I and Part II of this series, we talked about the right approach to take in order to gain someone’s respect. We talked about avoiding the temptation to be forceful. Today, I’d like to share with you my final thoughts on gaining the respect of those on your team.
It can be a long road to learn and execute these principles, but friend when you do, people will want to come with you. Once you gain someone’s respect, he will want to go to the ends of the earth for you. And you know what? You will want to go with him too. There will be no need for this “I need to be assertive stuff” because the relationship will be very mutual and healthy. People will want to do what is best for you – because you always strive to do what is best for them first.
And when you occasionally encounter these people who “just don’t do what you need” (and you will) – be patient, step back and think! – I mean it – be patient. Don’t jump on them. Perhaps some things will not get done. But in the long run, respecting them will pay off for your leadership journey. People are watching you. Just slowly, gently, gingerly, and sometimes firmly and clearly communicate what needs to be communicated.
My final advice is this:
The more I study and practice leadership, the more I find that good leadership is like the work of a delicate artist painting a color canvas. Have you ever painted? I have tried and cannot do it. But one thing I learned is that as a painter, if you cannot be careful, delicate and most importantly patient – for example, if you cannot wait for your colors to dry for the next day – you will have a mess on your hands!
It is the same in leadership. You cannot rush relationships, you cannot rush understanding people. It takes time to gain someone’s respect. However, being patient does not mean that you are passive and ignorant about what to do next. While being patient, think of what needs to be done.
So as you grow your leadership daily, you will learn the difference – when to be gentle (99% of the time), and when to be firm. Focus on developing yourself, learn how to build a team, create a compelling vision, sacrifice – don’t lord over, learn how to communicate boundaries gently.
Keep digging in, and keep working at your leadership!
I am a fellow leader in the trenches with you. Yes I sometimes get bloodied and knocked over, too. Let’s get up together. The world needs us to lead!
Let’s ASPIRE to lead better!
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