Do You Hate Confrontation? How to Transform Confrontation into Conversation
When I ask leaders why they avoid talking to people in the face of difficulty, they often say, “I just don’t like confrontation.” When leaders avoid confrontation at all costs, they will have problems with their teams and organizations.
We all know we need to do it. But no one tells themselves, “I can’t wait to be obnoxious and put people in their place!” So, how do we get the results we are after without all the drama? Let me show you.
I Hate Confrontation
Truth be told, I hate confrontation, too. In a matter of minutes, confrontation can cause relationships to implode, people to quit, and tempers to flare. So yes, I loathe it. But the key to successfully navigating these exchanges is found in our perspective. Rather than seeing them as potentially destructive confrontations, we must view them as potentially fruitful conversations. Conversations between two adults who respect each other.
So, I never have confrontations. I only have conversations. That subtle shift in perspective makes a world of difference. This persepctive allows us to employ different strategies and approaches to our crucial conversations.
Let me take it a step further. If I am completely transparent, I don’t like difficult conversations either. They require an immense amount of emotional energy and effort. You have to wait for the right time, monitor people’s emotions, practice the right words and the right tone. These conversations take work. I would much rather avoid these uncomfortable interactions as well. But friend, I am passionate about my mission. I am serious about my calling as a leader. Therefore, I must have the courage to have crucial conversations.
So I have abandoned the concept of confrontation: a raw exchange between people that usually requires force, as well as offensive and defensive tactics which can be explosive and potentially destructive. I simply prefer to move away from the concept of confrontation toward the concept of conversation. It is our responsibility as leaders to have these conversations regardless what you call them. Here is how I feel about it:
I know many leaders simply lash out to brashly confront their people. If that’s you, stop. You will never succeed like that. But when you’ve waited for the right time, when you’ve chosen the right words, when your heart is in the right place—at that point, if you are needed to stand, stand. Leaders stand. So here’s how I have moved from confrontation to conversation. I will show you the principles you must change before you can do that. Stay with me. I hope the thoughts I’ve shared will help you turn your confrontations into conversations. You will better serve others and make a positive, lasting impact with everything God has entrusted to you. For Further Reading:
How to Transform Confrontation into Conversation
When we have crucial conversations, our biggest fear is that we are risking the relationship. But we must risk them. Otherwise we will ultimately lose them anyway. Or they will become so dysfunctional, we may as well have lost them.
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